"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me."  -Jim Valvano

Our older son arrived home yesterday disappointed. You see, Leon and his older sister Rica qualified to participate in the school-wide science quiz contests after hurdling the elimination round in their respective classes. They made adequate preparations over a long weekend that was full of family activities, including an afternoon at the park, a night watching Narnia 3, and the usual outside frolics and longer computer time. The weekend was also extra special because of the bicycle gift Rica received for her birthday from her Titos (uncles) and everyone was just excited to try it out.

After getting my attention away from the laptop, Mama Sez steered me towards Leon who was in front of the shoe rack with tears in his eyes. I immediately picked him up and while leading him to the bedroom, asked him what’s the matter.

After a bit of coaxing, he eventually related that he was upset because a classmate got the gold, while he didn’t even reach the clincher round. He got the third place.

“I know more than he does, and at a higher level“, said he, unhappy about the less than expected results and trying to find an explanation for the discrepancy.

Realizing that he was making comparisons, we tried to deflect his focus to his confidence that he is on a different level as far as science is concern.

“It’s okay to be sad and to cry. Contests are like that, there are winners and losers. But what’s important is you know that you are good at science and you can be the best at it. Quiz contests are not the only measure of one’s proficiency.”

“Moreover, Mama and I believe that you, indeed, have a different level of interest, knowledge and understanding of science. That’s why you can be the inventor or anything that you (eventually) want to be.”

We reminded him about their training in Abba’s Orchard Montessori School- that is, more of cooperating than competing with classmates.

“You compete with yourself, so that you get better at want you are good at and at what you wannabe.”

“Comparing yourself to someone else is not going to be healthy if that’s all you’re focusing on because you’ll always find some who are better than you, so you’ll get frustrated, and others who are worse, then you’ll get conceited.”

Leon’s paradigm has shifted to the merit system of exams, grades and contests in his new school, which is more representative of the traditional school system in the country. And he’s actually really good at it, having aced exams, getting high grades and winning contests. But somehow, he has to balance this with the better paradigm of cooperation and interdependence that he was taught at home and in Abba’s Orchard for four years.

While declaring that he’s okay now, we reemphasized that we believe in him and we know that he is talented, and that we love him no matter what.

“Mama, isn’t it that when you capture hot air, like in a balloon, it will go up?” That was when we were assured that he’s really over it.

If you enjoyed this post, please share using the buttons below, follow us via NetworkedBlogs of Facebook, Twitter or Google Friend, or subscribe to RSS or via email.  All the subscription and "follow" boxes are at the lower right corner below.

It’s his first time in a traditional school where students are given numerical grades and often compete with each other.  We didn’t expect too much from him in terms of scholastic achievements because we anticipate a tough adjustment period for a child who was never exposed to graded recitations, quizzes, long tests, quarterly final exams and contests.  Based on the teachings of Maria Montessori, what he understands is competing with himself that meant continual self-improvement without comparing himself with others. Oh boy! We underestimated him.  His grades for the first quarter are all excellent. 

Probably, it helped that we give him the support parents can provide at home and equip him whatever he might need but the moment he rides the school service, he faces his battle on his own. 

Last week, he handed me a letter from school that says he will represent their class in a spelling competition because apparently he topped the elimination portion.  When he asked what and how to review for spelling, I just told him to continue what he loves doing…READING.  He is a voracious reader and loves spending time in the library.  That’s how he encounters lots of words, understands their meaning and be familiar with their spelling.  Unfortunately, Papa Sez and I can’t make it to watch the contest proper so we just coached him to stay focused, listen carefully to the Quiz Master and write legibly.  We assured him that WIN or LOSE we LOVE him just the same. 

Guess what? He came home with a gold medal! Note that his hands were covering his ears as he relays the good news for he knows that I will scream in excitement.  He’s right I really did scream so loud, lol.  I sincerely apologized for not being able to witness the momentous event but told him I was intently praying for him.  He was astonished to hear that as he recounted feeling my presence during the contest.  I had goose bumps, was teary-eyed, grateful for my son’s achievement and so blessed to feel God’s presence.

But then, I realized that the idea of competition had not completely sink in when he asked “Mama, I misspelled some words, why did I win the gold medal?” “Maybe because the other contestants had more misspelled words than what you had…you don’t always need a perfect score to win” was my wild guess. Competitive or not, he is up for the next level of spelling competition come February 2011. CHEERS FOR LEON!!!

“Mama, had Papa told you that you are beautiful? How did you feel? Was it good” That was my 8-year-old son’s query while we were having dinner one night. “Huh?! Why do you ask?” was my surprised response. But before he can explain, I answered his question truthfully so he'll continue to be open about the topic.

“Well, there is this girl in class who is so beautiful and I want to tell her that. I was wondering if she’ll feel good about it.”

“Of course, but consider befriending her first before you tell her that, talk about other things with her, know her likes and dislikes” was Papa Sez’s advice.

“You know, we are always too busy in school and I haven’t got the chance to chat with her, so what I did was show her a thumb’s up sign which means to me…you are beautiful.”

When asked what the girl’s response was, my son flashed a gorgeous grin and said “She also showed me a thumb’s up sign!!!” Talk about LEVEL UP.

In the afternoon of the same day, our 10-year-old daughter informed me that she already knows what’s going on during menstruation because they studied the menstrual cycle in school. She was just wondering if she can handle the pain. But it was only after this conversation with our son that Papa Sez and I finally recognized the level up signal. Our school kids are leveling up and so are we.

Parenting never stops as our children grow; we only level up like in cyber games. In the very popular online game Farmville, we earn more cash and coins and get access to more commodities and equipment, get to do more and even expand our farm as we level up.   For those who'd like to level up their Farmville skills fast, discover Farmville Secrets by clicking on the book icon to the left.

Distinctly, when we level up in parenting, we earn gratification for our every child’s milestones in growth and development; we get to do more depending on the kid’s growth, developmental and social demands; and we also have to expand our horizon and understanding of our kid’s new situation.

For every step that we take as we climb the ladder of Parentingville, we become more enthusiastic about the next. What awaits us in the next chapter of our child’s life? Though the anticipation scares us at times, we carry on because we wouldn’t want to miss our chance…a chance to assist and guide our child in every step of the way, a chance to help in times of difficulty and a chance to rejoice in times of success. So parents, better be equipped with the necessary tools... because before you know it, it’s time to level up again.

Today, I rode the school service with our eight-year-old son. It was not what I had in mind when Mama Sez informed me yesterday that only primary school pupils are scheduled today to have their two-hour orientation for the new school year, and so one of us can take our eldest daughter’s spot in the school service.

It’s good that Mama Sez convinced me to go with our son. It was a chance to show him that he is important and deserves my undivided attention. Besides it’s also his first day in a new, bigger school, and also his first time to ride a school service.

We’ve been psyching our school kids up in recent days to slowly switch them from vacation mode and for them to anticipate a more challenging school environment; not only because they have to adjust to a new school, but also because this particular Montessori school incorporates certain traditional practices that they are not used to.

Besides checking out the school cafeteria and other facilities, I also had time to buy their textbooks and school uniform. I eagerly waited to get some feedback on how it is in his new class. I got the chance when I spotted him on his way to the toilet and got some affirmative remarks from him such as “(his classmates are) not cruel and are actually nice” and “yes, I spoke in class.”

I got more affirmation in the vehicle on our way back when he finally broke his silence and got into an animated conversation with the boys his age. His confidence was showing when he also asked for the name of a younger girl who was part of the group but was silent when he entered the discussion with the boys.

I am confident that he’ll do just fine on his own tomorrow. Well as far as I can tell, he already did better than I did when I was his age in terms of chatting with new acquaintances on the first day of a new school. Now that’s enough to warm my heart for today I did well as a parent.

I was researching about discipline, positive parenting and corporal punishment, and was so engrossed with an article I was reading when I heard my 2 year-old son screaming this morning. Apparently, he got mad because the television was turned off after his morning dose of Dora the Explorer. He wanted to have the DVD played over and over, which is not allowed in our household (an hour in front of the television is the maximum in a day, usually just 30 minutes for him). For certain, another tantrum episode is to ensue because he got frustrated.

I see that his tantrums occur when he gets too frustrated not getting what he wants, when he is too sleepy or tired (and he doesn't want to sleep) and when he is sick…times when he needs more attention. I usually handle his tantrums by trying to keep cool for a moment (not to react), talk to him about the issue, find him something else to do, make him sleep or rest, or attend to his medical needs, but not to give in to what he wants. But it is not as simple as it may seem because I also feel frustrated if he doesn’t comply at once. Sometimes I feel my voice quivering as I talk to him because I’m on the verge of crying. His personality is overpowering that I get so scared at times, but I know I need to hide the fear. There were occasions when I spanked him on his butt with my bear hands to make him stop crying and screaming. The spanking brings the tantrum to a halt but I feel so regretful deep inside having hurt him, especially when he hugs me tight and say “Sorry, Mommy!”

This time, I stopped what I was doing, went downstairs to the living room, and carried him away from the TV with much resistance from him, of course. He continued screaming but I stayed calm. I asked him to just resume eating the banana he was holding and as expected the idea was rejected. Guessing that he wouldn’t insist on watching TV if I give him the attention he needs, I told him that I will make myself available for him if he will stop crying…that we can start by sharing a snack because I was hungry, then we will do what he wants except watch TV because he is done with it. He didn’t say yes but he immediately stopped crying, finished the banana he was holding and eagerly waited for me to finish preparing our sandwich. He even suggested that we take our snacks in the west patio of the house. However, it was drizzling so we opted to proceed to the bedroom.

After our snacks, we played "dropping dead", taking turns falling down on a pile of pillows on the bed, a game that he "invented". Then we lazily lied down and enjoyed the cool feel of the sheets on our skin while we sang “I Have Two Hands” around five times, I think. In such a short period he shifted his mood from grouchy to happy. He left me in the room with a smile (and without saying anything), went downstairs and played with his baby sister. What a relief and what a beautiful feeling to make a tantrum episode pass by without me having a tantrum myself. I was even cheerful throughout.

My research on discipline, corporal punishment and positive parenting had to wait as I responded to the upheaval made by my son. It was an opportunity to apply what was written by experienced parents, psychologists and researchers. What my son did and how we resolved it positively was the real deal...theory applied in real life. So I want to share this experience as a testament that there are better ways to handle a tantrum than to meet it head on, especially when dealing with a headstrong tot like my son.