"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me."  -Jim Valvano

Our older son arrived home yesterday disappointed. You see, Leon and his older sister Rica qualified to participate in the school-wide science quiz contests after hurdling the elimination round in their respective classes. They made adequate preparations over a long weekend that was full of family activities, including an afternoon at the park, a night watching Narnia 3, and the usual outside frolics and longer computer time. The weekend was also extra special because of the bicycle gift Rica received for her birthday from her Titos (uncles) and everyone was just excited to try it out.

After getting my attention away from the laptop, Mama Sez steered me towards Leon who was in front of the shoe rack with tears in his eyes. I immediately picked him up and while leading him to the bedroom, asked him what’s the matter.

After a bit of coaxing, he eventually related that he was upset because a classmate got the gold, while he didn’t even reach the clincher round. He got the third place.

“I know more than he does, and at a higher level“, said he, unhappy about the less than expected results and trying to find an explanation for the discrepancy.

Realizing that he was making comparisons, we tried to deflect his focus to his confidence that he is on a different level as far as science is concern.

“It’s okay to be sad and to cry. Contests are like that, there are winners and losers. But what’s important is you know that you are good at science and you can be the best at it. Quiz contests are not the only measure of one’s proficiency.”

“Moreover, Mama and I believe that you, indeed, have a different level of interest, knowledge and understanding of science. That’s why you can be the inventor or anything that you (eventually) want to be.”

We reminded him about their training in Abba’s Orchard Montessori School- that is, more of cooperating than competing with classmates.

“You compete with yourself, so that you get better at want you are good at and at what you wannabe.”

“Comparing yourself to someone else is not going to be healthy if that’s all you’re focusing on because you’ll always find some who are better than you, so you’ll get frustrated, and others who are worse, then you’ll get conceited.”

Leon’s paradigm has shifted to the merit system of exams, grades and contests in his new school, which is more representative of the traditional school system in the country. And he’s actually really good at it, having aced exams, getting high grades and winning contests. But somehow, he has to balance this with the better paradigm of cooperation and interdependence that he was taught at home and in Abba’s Orchard for four years.

While declaring that he’s okay now, we reemphasized that we believe in him and we know that he is talented, and that we love him no matter what.

“Mama, isn’t it that when you capture hot air, like in a balloon, it will go up?” That was when we were assured that he’s really over it.

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It’s his first time in a traditional school where students are given numerical grades and often compete with each other.  We didn’t expect too much from him in terms of scholastic achievements because we anticipate a tough adjustment period for a child who was never exposed to graded recitations, quizzes, long tests, quarterly final exams and contests.  Based on the teachings of Maria Montessori, what he understands is competing with himself that meant continual self-improvement without comparing himself with others. Oh boy! We underestimated him.  His grades for the first quarter are all excellent. 

Probably, it helped that we give him the support parents can provide at home and equip him whatever he might need but the moment he rides the school service, he faces his battle on his own. 

Last week, he handed me a letter from school that says he will represent their class in a spelling competition because apparently he topped the elimination portion.  When he asked what and how to review for spelling, I just told him to continue what he loves doing…READING.  He is a voracious reader and loves spending time in the library.  That’s how he encounters lots of words, understands their meaning and be familiar with their spelling.  Unfortunately, Papa Sez and I can’t make it to watch the contest proper so we just coached him to stay focused, listen carefully to the Quiz Master and write legibly.  We assured him that WIN or LOSE we LOVE him just the same. 

Guess what? He came home with a gold medal! Note that his hands were covering his ears as he relays the good news for he knows that I will scream in excitement.  He’s right I really did scream so loud, lol.  I sincerely apologized for not being able to witness the momentous event but told him I was intently praying for him.  He was astonished to hear that as he recounted feeling my presence during the contest.  I had goose bumps, was teary-eyed, grateful for my son’s achievement and so blessed to feel God’s presence.

But then, I realized that the idea of competition had not completely sink in when he asked “Mama, I misspelled some words, why did I win the gold medal?” “Maybe because the other contestants had more misspelled words than what you had…you don’t always need a perfect score to win” was my wild guess. Competitive or not, he is up for the next level of spelling competition come February 2011. CHEERS FOR LEON!!!